Do we have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters?
With Raksha Bandhan round the corner, a feeling of nostalgia surfaces, when you remember the tender feelings of tying that sacred thread on your brothers wrist and your parents telling you that your brother would always protect you. While the festival may be sentiment driven, it also reflects the balance of the society and how we are still raising our sons to be….
India till date is a highly patriarchal society where the men rule the roost, with most of our rituals reinforcing the balance of the society, tilting the “men” way… But in today’s era when the social dynamics have changed drastically and most parents raise their daughters like sons, ideally you would expect the change in upbringing for the sons too…
We might believe that we are bringing up our children equally…….but it’s actually a myth! We may have progressed as a society and bring up our daughters like sons – ie we bring them up to be strong, self-reliant, comfortable in her own skin, confident in her intelligence, and capable to deal with the inherent gender biases, that she is likely to face her whole life….But do we bring about that acceptance in our sons - the acceptance of a stronger female later in their lives, in the form of girl friends, colleagues or wife? Do we raise them as sensitive human beings who will have the courage to accept the woman’s self reliance, take strength from her strength and enjoy her intelligence?
Till date the roles in society reflect the same gender bias at homes. Moms play a pivotal role in rearing up their sons, yet in most cases it’s the mothers who define the lines of gender bias within the home. All the house work would be delegated to the daughters and outside work or no work is given to the sons. Boys in the kitchen….give us a break! Infact, it’s a big bane in the Indian working woman’s lives that the men and boys in the home offer no support – well, it’s because we mothers never taught them to be, while in western cultures it’s a normal norm. It’s a big challenge as a mother to make our children to realize that gender equality isn’t just good for women, but rather, in the long-run it’s in their self-interest, too. We have to teach our children that a society that is inclusive of everyone allows for more individualism, promotes more freedom of thought, and creates an overall just world.
The real challenge lies for all of us modern parents of boys - who could live their lives resting on the privilege and power bestowed upon them for being men – to go out of our way to raise our sons to be feminists, too. Of course talking to your ten year old son about society bias or discussing equality and fairness doesn’t really work. What does work is challenging yourself to continually find opportunities to discuss what equality and fairness means in their day-to-day lives. Like, when you go out to watch a movie, and he appreciates the role of the actress, point out to him that while the hero gets paid in crores, the heroine just gets few lakhs! Make sure the kitchen duties are equally delegated between the son and daughter. Infact the girls in our home get their brother to tie rakhis on their wrists with a great aplomb, where they too vow to protect their brothers!
Sounds cute and also farfetched? But, it’s about small things but big learning, small gestures but big lifetime habits, small initiative but big realization!! And the sooner we start the better it is. It’s about acceptance- that even sisters can protect the brothers, give them the emotional support and be with them in every step of life. Remember, as parents we are rearing up the next generation. If we raise our children simply as young people and not in gender specific ways, then they will come to their own conclusions as to what traits they want to have.
It’s just not about gender equality – though it forms the basic crux – it’s also about also teaching our sons the meaning of sensitivity, of respect, of caring and of being empathetic. It’s about teaching them that the society functions on both sexes and we have to appreciate and accept each other’s role. It’s about being role models for our sons wherein they see their fathers respecting the wife and mother. It’s about bringing up a sensitive human being who can have the empathy for living creatures and celebrate the joy of loving and living and cry over it too!
With societal threads changing its colour and form, it’s time to form a new tapestry of relations, to create a new pattern of colourful ties that are stronger and much more binding….